Continuation

I've decided to swear off men for the time being.
Meeting them? Being friends? Make out buddies? SURE.
Relationship?
No thanks.
I'm going to fly solo for a while. Try focusing on my art (even though not everybody calls it that), my school work, maybe even getting into shape.
I'm also working, quite personally on this one, on my relationship with God. You see, it's not that I've drifted... I just feel like I should be in a better place with my relationship than where I'm at. I'm going to try to devote a portion of time at least three times a week just to sit and talk to God. Maybe I'll type it up. Probably not on here, but somewhere. Especially after all my reading recently, I just need to firm up a few things here and there on certain subjects.

I really miss my mom. I know I just saw her, but I miss her. I miss my dad too, but I keep thinking about how many things are wrong with her health wise. She's doing her best to get things right, but those things you can't just fix. I want her to live to see me walk down the isle, to see her first grandchild (either mine or my brothers, doesn't matter), and to make them clothes. I want all of these things for my dad too, and I would be crushed to lose either of them... I just think about it more with my mom because of her health problems. *sigh* And now I feel horrible because I'm venting about my fears when my best friend in the whole world lost her mom not even six months ago.

I'm still feeling strong and independent, but I really just want to see my mom and know that she's doing ok... but that never really happens when I see her. I KNOW she's doing better than she has in a long time, but I still see it. I still know she's hurting partly because I live with some of it too. It's really hard having a chronic pain disorder, then throw other things on top? It's SO hard. I live it too, just not with the same things.

Mom, Dad. I love you. Both of you. Very much.

I'm doing my best here at school, but sometimes I just miss you guys. I suppose this is one of those times.

I hope this amount of thinking diminishes soon so I can sleep.

Ciao,
Tracy